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Emotional Integrity, Do you have it?

January 12, 2017

 

Emotional Integrity- What is it and why do I want to have it?

Emotional Integrity is when what you are feeling, thinking, and how you look are congruent. Basically if you are sad you feel, think and look sad. I believe the heart of Emotional Integrity is about acceptance. The more you accept your feelings and thoughts about your feelings the easier it is to express them without them coming out as blame, anger or resentment.

So the question is What is an example of and why do you want to have emotional integrity?

Let's start with the dreaded "How are You."  On the inside you feel sad, because this morning you felt like your husband doesn't appreciate you because he didn't even say thank you when you made his coffee. Later in the day he calls you for a quick chat before he going into a meeting and asks "How are you?" You say "FINE". This is not emotional integrity the conversation turns quiet and awkward. You think to yourself  "We will see if I ever go out of my way again to do something nice for him". Meanwhile he dismisses the comment and says he has to go.  Can you say "Awkward?"

To have emotional integrity would be to say to your husband "I have been sad since you left this morning.  I felt that I went out of my way to make you coffee and you didn't even say thank you! I know that I had an expectation for the recognition and I should have done it without condition. That being said, I think we should have a date night or do something together to feel more connected. I clearly want to feel closer to you."

So in this scenario the wife wanted to connect to her husband and used the coffee to do so instead of her feelings of emotional integrity.  In the confines of a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to be open and honest about your emotional needs without fear of reproach.  This also involves patience and understanding when your spouse reciprocates his or her emotional needs.  

Why do you want emotional integrity? Because it creates the connection we all desire. The fear of vulnerability is what keeps us from being us and accepting our feelings. When we dig deeper we see where we could have done things differently and have to take responsibility. It is much easier to blame the other person and making them the bad guy and have them do all the work.

Having a problem with Emotional Integrity and need some help and insight? A life coach may be the answer! Call for a one on one session and get closer to the emotional integrity you want and deserve.  

 

Jessica Jansen.  

 

 

 

 

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