Feeling the pain -Learning and Growing

Over two years ago I gave my power very willingly away without fully knowing it at the time. I can see so clearly tonight how I create the feeling of not being wanted or valuable when I made that decision to give my power away. I see where things could have turned out very differently if I would have made a different choice so long ago. I also see several times along the way where I had an opportunity to step into the power and again decided not too. I realize I am so afraid of being powerful and of failing. I do not choose to own my fate or my results for MY choices. I have seen bits of this pattern in the past but tonight I realized more of it and how it effects my life in big ways. Its not easy being powerful and it is not easy to fail so I choose neither and choose to stay dissatisfied and angry. That is until tonight......

Tonight I got to decide that even with all that stuff to NOT sit in regret, shame and self criticism. Tonight I actually chose to be in a beautiful state of sadness learning and growing. Tonight I felt the pain and hurt which I always protected myself from with my blame and resentment in the past. I am finally choosing to feel the pain of not stepping into my power. In doing so I can see that it will be safer and I will be more willing to step into my power in the future. This is really what I have been avoiding all this time. Through all this sadness I also get to feel the love for myself that wasn't there before. I get to love and accept myself a little bit more and heal the parts that felt so broken and unlovable. Through the tears I can even start to feel the excitement of being so aware of this destructive pattern tonight and what that means for the future.

When all this happens I get to choose to let go of that hurt and see how I created it all. In doing so I make more room for the joy, magic and love to take hold and live a more fulfilled life in that space. I choose to not only learn and grow, I choose to be live more In Happiness on this amazing Independence Day!

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